A Light at the End of the Tunnel

Gina’s Journal, Entry 5 – Success Story.

A woman who has suffered many losses in her life has made it through her pain and FINALLY sees a light at the end of the tunnel. She came to the YWCA after sleeping under the 3^rd St. Bridge for many nights. She has a history of drug and alcohol use.  After getting clean she was able to pass a drug test and breath test. Many of us can say we know someone who has suffered with a drug and alcohol problem, it changes that person, and it can change the way we think of that person. It can also change loved ones around the addict because of having to live with that person. It’s not easy for anyone involved.

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“She came into the YWCA with nothing. She had no identification, and only a small purse with some items in it.”

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This woman has the ability to be a true inspiration to others. I’m not going to go into depth with her story, because it is not mine to tell, however, she came into the YWCA with nothing. She had no identification, and only a small purse with some items in it. Staff of the YWCA gave her a couple pairs of socks and a small bag of hygiene items. After coming to the YWCA she was able to get connected with a job resource where she gets paid to work in the community at a placement site.  She has saved up some money and was able to get into one of the YWCA’s Permanent supportive housing units. This was also made possible by community action partnership in Minot, who came and inspected the apartment and paid for the deposit.

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“Her ability to take accountability is remarkable”

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This woman would tell you she did not like me at first. I sat at my desk and pulled up her colorful record. I read everything off too her, she stood up and said, “I don’t know why you’re picking on me.” And walked out the door. I was happy to see her the next day asking if she could talk to me. She stated that when I did that it forced her to look at her life and see things she was not proud of and she had been running away from for long enough. Just last week the staff and this woman were talking about the analogy of me serving up the piles of crap she had taken in her life on a silver platter.  Allowing her to smell each one to get to the silver lining.  Now, three months later, she still deals with obstacles, but with a smile on her face and laughter in her voice. I look forward to seeing her achieve success through obtaining goals that she came up with for herself.  Her ability to take accountability is remarkable. It’s the little things, the small steps, the mindset, and the attitude of gratitude that get people through.

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“Wow, you mean I get a choice?”

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This reminds me of a time in my own life where depression took over. I guess my mother got tired of watching me not wanting to function and she said the most obvious thing, “You know, life is what you make it Gina.” That was over 10 years ago and I still think about it often.  It was like a light bulb went off, an epiphany.  Wow, you mean I get a choice?  I thought I just had to feel that way that those were the cards dealt to me.  But, with this new found freedom, I got to make choices about my attitude, about how I was going to feel that day!

This woman, who utilized all of the YWCA’s resources, is a great reminder of how the choices we make can define us … or they can RE-define us into what we CHOOSE.

YWCA Proud

Gina’s Journal – Entry 4

This week’s journal entry was going to be on bullying, as we have had issues regarding this over the past two weeks. However, a more pressing matter is the young mother of 5 children that came into the shelter homeless. Her children ranged from the ages of 6 months to 9 years-old.  This mother has her hands full and arrived at our shelter with little to no support within Minot.  The YWCA gave all the children an apple, generously provided by Salvation Army, an application packet for Head Start, and directions to the Lord’s Cupboard Food Pantry.  The YWCA offers a community kitchen where women get to cook their own meals and we provide many food items that are donated from different organizations and the community. This is just one of many examples of how the YWCA Minot provides shelter to single mother families.  This mother only stayed for the weekend but as I was leaving on that Friday I noticed that her vehicle was full to the brim with stuff, and what appeared to be bedding for the kids. This mother had said that they were sleeping in a park in a different town before driving to Minot and ending up at the YWCA.

This is an amazing reminder that homelessness can look many different ways. Hungry means a lot of different things. Please remember that if organizations such as ours, the DVCC, Men’s Winter Refuge, and the Homeless coalition were not in place, then the community would see a bigger, harsher presence of homelessness in Minot. Our organizations deal with homelessness on a daily basis as well as many other issues. There are reasons people are homeless, many of our clients do not chose that lifestyle.

The Community is welcome to take tours of the YWCA. Due to confidentially tours are by appointment only. If you would like an inside look of our shelter rooms, apartments, and offices, please give me a call.

Escaping Abuse Of All Kinds

Gina’s Journal, Entry 3

What an exciting week already, and it’s only Tuesday. Reports have come in that a shelter resident has been meeting men who have driven by and seen her sitting outside. Staff has noticed her provocative clothing as she says sunbathing helps her diagnosis of MS. This may be the reason – BUT……in front of the shelter, where women have come to us to escape situations just like this is not acceptable. Some women are escaping abuse of all kinds, including victims of sex trafficking, drugs, alcohol, or mental illness, all of which often go hand in hand. Today as I drove up to the shelter at 9am, as usual, she was at the back of the building in her bikini. This time I noticed a man sitting in his car across the street – the same man that picks her up and gives her a ride to work, and I was well aware that he was probably watching her. I stood in my office and watched for a while, and she did get in the car with him. She came back with a bag of stuff from the store. She then made her way to the staff offices stating that she was going to live in a tent at the fairgrounds until Monday at which time she would have a place to stay. She packed up all her items, turned in her key and left.

Stories just like this happen often. Sometimes I am not 100% sure it is happening, but more often than not, I am pretty sure I know exactly what is going on. However, how do you approach that person and say hey, “I know what you are doing, and I can help you.” Some women can be very stand-off ish while they are here, or are hard to approach or don’t come to staff for help other than bus tokens. I truly believe that if Minot had an enforcement team to help these women that are victims of sex trafficking, we could all work together. I could have called law enforcement or an advocate to come and just watch the behavior and attempt to approach this woman from a ‘helping place’ rather than approaching them as if they were in the wrong.

Two days later, this woman called asking if she could come back into the shelter because her situation fell through. I’m not sure if she meant the tent situation or the supposed housing she had in place after she was going to stay in a tent. I let her know that our policy says if you choose to leave without finishing the 60 day program, it is required that you wait 6 months before staying at our facility again. This is to spread out resources and hopefully make it understood that homelessness can be chronic and have a high recidivism rate, especially if one chooses not to use the resources to put supports in place.

Addiction is a Disease

Gina’s Journal, Entry 2 –

I got a referral call from federal probation on the 24^th. The referral was for a young woman, who is heavily pregnant, with an addiction to methamphetamine and suffering from breast cancer, undergoing chemo treatments. Wow…what a heavy load for this one woman to carry. After her intake, I learned she had 4 other children, and that she was thinking of giving the one she was carrying up for adoption. What a stressful time in such a young person’s life. Can you imagine not having a place to live while battling 2 toxic diseases – yes, addiction is a disease, all while pregnant? In many addiction rehabs, treatments and courses they often compare addiction to cancer, as far as the ‘disease’ is considered. It makes me emotional thinking about her struggle. Besides giving her a safe place to stay with support in place to help her through the addiction, what is an organization to do? She is actively sick from chemo treatments – how could the fetus be doing? This is a situation that truly makes me tear-up and that I could only dream of making her life a little easier.

The Definition of a Survivor

Gina’s Journal, Entry 1 – 7/20/2015

“Lois* was used to living her life worried about her son, but she did not think she would need to be worried about how she would be treated.”

This is my last week at work before I take my vacation. I will be gone for two whole weeks in Montana – and getting married – yay!! Getting everything in order before I leave feels like a chore, but thankfully I have other employees now… unlike last year. This week is a time of big changes. A resident in one of the upstairs apartments, Ms. Lois is leaving. She has been at the YWCA facility for close to a year and has become a joy to see every day! She came to the YWCA as a referral through Adult Protective Services. She came to us as a 65-year-old woman who was living with her daughter-in-law after moving in with her to help take care of her son and his wife’s child – while her son was doing time in prison. Lois was used to living her life worried about her son, but she did not think she would need to be worried about how she would be treated. While Lois was attempting to help with her grandchild, she began to be verbally abused to the point where she could no longer take it. I learned upon Lois’s arrival with a APS worker that she had a big personality, but she had seemed apprehensive and scared. I showed her to the emergency shelter room on the main floor of our building and Lois settled in, and shortly became everyone’s favorite. She makes people laugh, she listens to their stories, and she voices her opinion. She is the peacemaker in the shelter, helping the different personalities come together.

“She has an amazing story of cervical and breast cancer survival”

As I met with Lois, she really did not have any idea of where she may end up, but she wanted to stay in Minot until her son got out of Prison. As luck would have it, one of the YWCA’s Permanent Supportive Housing Units became free. Lois qualified for the apartment and moved from the shelter into a 1-bedroom apartment on the third floor. Lois really blossomed while staying here. She has an amazing story of cervical and breast cancer survival, loss of parents and siblings, and lost her children to prison and bad behavior.

Lois helped new women coming in to the shelter by showing them around, letting them know the ropes and truly being a positive influence to others. Despite all of her colorful life experiences, she has managed to continue laughing, smiling and bringing joy to the other shelter residents. She has renamed the donations room, filled with generous donations from the community, the “Boutique”. This way, the women feel as if it’s not a handout of something to be ashamed of, but rather a place to go shopping for things they do not have. Lois has been a spokesperson for the shelter and has stood as a feature speaker at the Women of Distinction Banquet.

Lois has called the YWCA the best kept secret of downtown Minot, with no signs to label the building as a shelter or the YWCA. She has expressed that she truly feels that the YWCA shelter and Housing Unit has given her a safe, secure place where she feels comfortable. She ‘loves her little apartment.’

“She is the definition of a survivor and what it means to embrace every day for what it is”

Recently Lois came to me saying that she was moving back to the Gulf Coast in Mississippi. She was a nanny to a young lady, “Sissy,” from the time Sissy was 7 years old and she is now 30 years old with her own children. Lois has friends all over the nation, but Sissy has always kept in touch. Sissy has asked Lois to come back and help her by living with her and taking care of her children, as well as just being back where she belongs. Lois is leaving her apartment and moving to Mississippi on Friday. This is a sad day for anyone who has grown to love Lois and all that she brings to other women, the YWCA and Minot. She is the definition of a survivor and what it means to embrace every day for what it is, living in the moment and knowing that having a positive attitude and laughing at yourself and WITH the people around you is necessary to cope with life’s many non-stop challenges.

This is the final thing I will say about Lois, because I get emotional – she has made my days here as the Director very bright. I have cried with Lois, I have yelled at her to reel her back in, and most importantly I have laughed and shared with her. She has respect for women and their stories, she listens, and she is honest and direct. I will keep in touch with Lois, because she has made a direct impact on my life. I wish her nothing but the best of luck in life, and I will think of her often.

*permission obtained for names to be used.